Letters

Dear Mother Nature,

Hey mom! How's it going? From the looks of things, not well, because it seems like you've forgotten that its September and you shouldn't be showering down ice pellets in mid-afternoon.

All the best with the impending global destruction and all that.

* * *

Dear house opposite me,

Thanks for the show last night! I don't think I've ever seen so many firefighters in one place. Sure, the special effects (flames, smoke) were minimal, but the drama of axes and saws cutting open walls was enough for me to spend a half hour on the porch instead of watching Letterman.

I hope this doesn't sidetrack your gray-market satellite business.

* * *

Dear cars on Pembina,

Thanks for not hitting me so far. We got through last year OK, with a few close calls, and we're off to a good start. Let's keep it that way.

* * *

Dear mathematics,

I had forgotten how much fun you can be. Let's always be friends!

* * *

Dear guy on the bright orange bike who always passes me on Pembina,

I hate you. A little part of me dies every time you pass me.

P.S. Nice bike.



And a letter addressed to me . . .


Dear J******,

Please buy a fender for your bicycle. Really, I think we'd all be happier that way.


Sincerely,


Your Pants. (you know, the one pair that you wear every day)